REUNION



After a year-long hiatus, I return to my favorite team, the Houston Rockets. The first season in ISBA1 was disappointing, missing the playoffs and I eventually replaced them with rivals Utah Jazz in ISBA #Reboot. This association promises to be different, with an overhauled roster and plenty of young talent, led by none other than ISBA favorite Royce White.

The intro write-up, summarizing Rockets roster, will be inspired by one of the former Houston GMs (not Hidden User), also a photoshop master. Nello described himself as "an unknown italian guy who claims he knows how to run a team and take it to the play off. But he said this after he drunk in a single, terrific slug a whole bottle of vodka, and he had some strangely white powder all over his nose. And there were hoes all around. So, we still allow ourselves to have some reservations about his credibility."
The Don left the job vacant due to being "overwhelmed with work, like a nineteenth century ho during the miners' wage day." Lovely.



Rockets 2012-13 Roster

3 Omer Asik C 7-0 255 07/04/1986 Fenerbahce S.K./Turkey 2
40 Jon Brockman F 6-7 255 03/20/1987 Washington/USA 3
10 Carlos Delfino G-F 6-6 230 08/29/1982 Skipper Bologna/Argentina 7
15 Toney Douglas G 6-2 185 03/16/1986 Florida State/USA 3
0 Gary Forbes G-F 6-7 220 02/25/1985 Umass/Panama 2
9 Courtney Fortson G 5-11 185 05/23/1988 Arkansas/USA 1
5 JaJuan Johnson F 6-10 221 02/08/1989 Purdue/USA 1
6 Terrence Jones F 6-9 252 01/09/1992 Kentucky/USA R
1 Jeremy Lamb G-F 6-5 180 05/30/1992 Connecticut/USA R
7 Jeremy Lin G 6-3 200 08/23/1988 Harvard/USA 2
8 Shaun Livingston G 6-7 175 09/11/1985 Peoria Central HS (IL)/USA 7
Scott Machado G 6-1 205 Iona/USA R
12 Kevin Martin G 6-7 185 02/01/1983 Western Carolina/USA 8
2 Marcus Morris F 6-9 235 09/02/1989 Kansas/USA 1
20 Donatas Motiejunas F-C 7-0 222 09/20/1990 Kaunas, Lithuania R
25 Chandler Parsons F 6-9 227 10/25/1988 Florida/USA 1
54 Patrick Patterson F-C 6-9 235 03/14/1989 Kentucky/USA 2
33 Greg Smith C-F 6-10 250 01/08/1991 Fresno State/USA 1
30 Royce White F 6-8 260 04/10/1991 Iowa State/USA R

The current roster holds 19 players, 4 of which will be cut by the end of training camp.



Guaranteed rotation




- Jeremy Lin – he's the little kid posing alongside the original Asian, Yao Ming. Linsanity probably won't continue in Houston.



- Jeremy Lamb – handsome fella, who'll lead the second unit in scoring.



- Carlos "Cabeza" Delfino – aside from being a useful and reliable shooter, Cabeza (The Head) will fill the stands with lonely housewives.





- Chandler Parsons – Kevin Martin's vagina exploded when he first met Chandler Bang. His new coach loves him, his teammates love him and little girls want to carry his babies.





- Omer "The Turkish Hammer" Asik – a basketball player, superhero and 80's favorite movie good guy. Great on defense, useless on offense.



- Donatas "Donuts" Motiejunas – Pretty boy Donuts is about to show the world he's better than Valančiunas. Rich man's Nowitzki in the making.



- Royce White – a God-given gift to humanity and future ISBA MVP.


- Terrence Jones – I was skeptical towards this pick, but during Summer League the lefty showed he can do a little bit of everything. Splendid.



Trade Chips




- Kevin Martin – his face reads douchebag. The biggest vagina in Houston since She-Mac.




- Patrick "Patsquatch" Patterson – The Moustache of Maturity is on the trade block due to a PF logjam. Solid player, though.


- Gary Forbes – a likeable character. The best player with diabetes currently playing in NBA. F*** off, Adam Morrison.


- Marcus Morris – thinks of himself as the next Melo. His lack of basketball IQ certainly proves it.


- Shaun Livingston – will get minimal playing time until he growes another afro.



Shit Tier/Inactive List




- Toney Douglas – no comment.


- Courtney Fortson – possibly the worst basketball player I've seen.


- Jon Brockman – he's white. That's his only plus.


- JaJuan Johnson – sat on the bench for the Celtics. Ryan Hollins, Jermaine O'Neal and Chris Wilcox did too.


- Greg Smith – Chuck Hayes' successor. The 6'10 center with a 7'3 wingspan proved he can play defense, but unfortunately that's not good enough.


- Scott Machado – led NCAA in assists. Thinks he's better than Jeremy Lin. Some people here would actually agree. I don't.




Depth Chart

PG: Lin/White/Livingston
SG: Martin/Lamb/Delfino/Forbes
SF: Parsons/Delfino/White/Morris
PF: Patterson/Jones/White/Motiejunas
C: Asik/Motiejunas

Bench players will get ample playing time and some will actually serve as closers. Don't be surprised if all 13 players get involved in game action.





Song: "Reunion" by M83
NOTE: Certain entries will be accompanied by theme songs, with song names resembling the topic.

Now, this is an awesome entry. Quoting Nello (who btw. told me to F* off when I asked him about OA) and you introduced back the thread songs.
:parsons2:

Nello said that to you?

Yes.

:adam2: alcoholic cunt

He must be sniffing those Crax drugs.

My only drug is caffeine....

Best entry so far, I applaude... I lol'd at Machado stuff and Marcus Morris...

I could use Patterson, who ya want brah?

Caffeine off a ps3 cover

I need a backup PG and/or C. Bradley is out of the question and lolno to Fab Melo, Jason Collins or Chris Wilcox.

Darko lol

K-Mart is gonna have plenty of value since he's in his contract year. Could easily get a player(s) & pick(s) package.

Royce White isn't starting? what the.....

#Unsubscribed

Picture of Judge Reinhold >

But seriously, great thread.

I'm gunning for MVP and Sixth Man of the Year. :royce3:

Nothing is sure at this point, he'll probably be on the bench until I clean up the roster. But as I said, Royce'll close out games.

^yikes, MVP is going to be a stretch with Dominic McGuire getting constant minutes with the Raptors... sigh

Q&A WITH COACH LUKA



Jonathan Feigen of the Houston Chronicle caught up with Coach Luka in downtown Houston while Coach was sharing an ice cream with a female friend. He managed to ask one question before leaving the couple to enjoy their free time together.


JF: There's been a lot of talk of Royce White and his quest to win the MVP honors, what do you think he needs to focus on to accomplish that goal?
LM: I expect him to study game film and incorporate the style of play of former Rockets greats such as Žan Tabak, Brian Cook, Matt Bullard and gay icon John Amaechi. If he does that, the MVP award is a realistic option.


Here's a quick breakdown of the previously mentioned players' strengths:


- The Croatian's ability to score from the post and grab rebounds was unprecented.
Trivia: born on the same day and month as Coach Luka


- The Cookie Monster is known around the league for his all-around proficiency


- Prototype of a big white shooter


- A scrappy defender and a loyal servant to his team


Till next time... :royce3:

Erik Piatkowski > Matt Bullard

I hope even though Royce doesn't start that he gets plenty of minutes or else I'm going to have to offer you some irrational trade offer to get him out of there.

The Polish Rifle snubbed? Travesty! :mcg:

Brazzers.


Their chemistry will tear opposing teams apart.

Best. Photo. Ever.

Royce will never be traded, not even for LeBron.

The Polish Rifle lol, brings back memories.

AN OPENING STATEMENT



The Houston Rockets started the season with a blowout win over the Sacramento Kings at Toyota Center, 87-47. There was never any question of the winner as the team opened a double-digit lead in the second quarter and never looked back, shooting 58% from the floor.

Royce White had plenty of reasons to be happy as he confirmed his candidacy for the MVP award with a strong game off the bench, finishing with 12 points, 6 rebounds and no less than 16 assists. All 12 Houston players managed to score, of which Martin with 11 and Ašik with 10 points stood out. Jeremy Lin had a solid all-around effort in his debut - 7 points, 3 rebounds, 5 assists, 0 turnovers.

Sacramento was clusterfucked as Thornton (5-24 FG, 0-9 3PT) and Evans (1-8 FG) stepped up their ballhogging game. The only bright point of their team was Thomas Robinson, who had 10 points on 4-5 shooting.

FIRST ROAD WIN


Boston's Big Three seemed unstoppable at times

After routing the Kings, Houston's next stop was Boston Garden and a match-up with a longtime rival, Ante. The rivalry did not disappoint, providing entertaining moments and a tight game which led to overtime. Boston held a double-digit lead twice during the match, but the Rockets would not let go, as Rondo and Parsons both missed potential game-winners. In the OT, Royce White took over, scoring 8 straight points for Houston with a couple of highlight plays. Jason Terry prolonged Celtics' hope with 2 three-pointers until Jeremy Lin scored a free throw to ice the game. Rockets win 79-75 (OT).

Notable Players:
Royce White - 15 points, 8 rebounds, 8 assists, 2 steals
Kevin Martin - 15 points, 5 rebounds, 3-5 3PT
Jeremy Lin - 14 points, 3 rebounds, 4 assists, 0 turnovers

Paul Pierce - 19 points, 3 assists
Kevin Garnett - 12 points, 9 rebounds
Rajon Rondo - 15 points, 5 assists, 3 steals

Royce is rolling, wow

I congratulate on the win brah, much deserved...